Happy 15 weeks, Baby!

Over a cup of tea on a rainy day

Hi Our Darling...

I can't believe that we're 15 weeks along...it makes me so, so happy to picture you floating around inside of me.  Sucking your wee thumb, able to sense light, now.  You are a winter gestation baby, but I promise to bare my belly as much as this winter to give you all the light that I can--give your circadian rhythms a head start.

The light today is filtering through a gray sky--your father's favorite kind of sky.  I can sometimes see that layer of Viking within him and I wonder if you will be the same.  If you will be able to sleep with the light on, be red-orange colorblind and able to pick out animals in the woods, despite all their efforts to camoflauge themselves.  If you will be like the two of us--ever so peaceful in the woods, just walking and noticing.  Or maybe your daily habits will desire an urban setting, subways, buses and late nights in SoHo.  Or...maybe you will be a Suburban Child (gasp! so unlike us...right now).

Whatever, whichever, wherever...my goodness, will we love you so very much.  I was so afraid, before.  I was afraid I wouldn't manage motherhood because of the depression and feelings of isolation.  I was afraid I would try to change you into something you weren't.  I was afraid you might break my heart!  My childhood--while not terrible--very stifling.  I wanted to talk, communicate, share, explore--I never felt I could do those things without feeling limited by what I thought I should be doing to not shame the family.  To be the "right" kind of child.  At some point these past few years, those fears disappeared.  I found the confidence I wish I'd had earlier in life, but at the same time, what a blessing to find it at all!  Child of our hearts, we will have such a good time together...I miss you already, anticipate you--

with the slow, contemplative disposition of a thousand years

Greetings, brellowfish. Your mother has been much more active than I at this--but my late entry into this project is not a sign of disinterestedness, it is merely my way. Your mother is active, moving, creative, possessing and eminating an energy that moves things forward even when they don't realize they're sitting still. It is a powerful presence that I'm sure you'll enjoy. I'm not as fast into new things (again, not from lack of interest) and tend to think and re-think an action in a new arena, even when I would be better served by simply immersing myself in the event. When I do act, it is decisive, as you will see. Now, enough with presenting my apologies for being late to the game--but it's best you understand how we both work so that you know how to interpret us.


You have been giving me many things to smile about (aside from just your ever-nearing emergence), the most enjoyable of which is the constant cravings you are causing your mother. I like that you are often craving things that I do. Another fun event is the seemingly uncontrollable attachment that our youngest cat Sadie has to your mother now. Sadie was always a friendly and loving cat to us, but her new obsession with your mother makes us wonder if she knows you're there. Given that, in general, Sadie is not fond of people other than us, you should feel very lucky that she may already know you're on the way and decided you are an acceptable addition.


I wonder what you are thinking in there. I wonder what you'll think when you're old enough to share your thoughts--be patient, I'm sure you'll be thinking long before you can express what you're thinking, but we'll be here when you can.

A Disjointed Week

Hey there, Baby B--this week was probably a weird one for you. I think there was another hormone surge--I just couldn't find anything I wanted to eat! We were so bored with food, you and I. And then the hormone surge made everything feel not quite right. Things are better today--starving, a little happier and some self-obsessed time rubbing my belly, knowing that you're in there.

Look what came in from our friend, Jennifer! You can call her auntie, if you'd like.



Some things just for mama, so she doesn't feel left out of all the celebration. Baby B, you can only benefit from this.

More reactions

1. Oooooooo, really! (high pitched squealing sound) (Baby, if you knew Jennifer, you would be so honored. We Jennifers are not in the habit of HPSS)
2. Another pagan walking around for Sarah Palin to bash (John, who loves pagans)
3. If you're not pulling our legs, I'm very seriously happy for you!! (Vivian, whose legs I'm in the habit of pulling, so her doubt was justified!)
4. Hearing the happy news and getting a lump in the throat made for a happy Mon. morning (Barb--see, Baby! You little throat-lump creator!)
5. ...this is probably a gift from Grandma (Donna...whose mysticism you will be most fascinated with)